A Young Girl Still Dwells

I first read this very moving poem in my twenties. Now in my fifties, its poignant message grips me even deeper. It was written by an elderly woman who died in the geriatric ward of Ashludie Hospital near Dunde, England. The poem was found among her possessions and so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. Although it is addressed to the nurses who cared for the woman in her last days, the message is a powerful lesson for us all.

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What do you see, nurse, what do you see?

Are you thinking when you look at me -

A crabbed old woman, not very wise,

Uncertain of habit with far away eyes,

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply

When you say in a loud voice - "I do wish you'd try."

Who seems not to notice the things that you do

And forever is losing a stocking or shoes,

Who resisting or not, lets you do as you will

With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.

Is that what you're thinking, is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, nurse. You're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still.

As I move at your bidding, eat at your will.

I'm a small child of ten with a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters who love one another;

A young girl of sixteen with wings on her feet,

Dreaming that soon a love she'll meet;

A bride at twenty, my heart gives a leap,

Remembering the vows that I promised to keep;

At twenty-five now I have young of my own

Who need me to build a secure, happy home.

A woman of thirty, my young now grow fast,

Bound together with ties that should last.

At forty, my young sons have grown up and gone,

But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.

At fifty once more babies play round my knee -

Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead.

I look at the future, I shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing young of their own,

And I think of the years and the love that I've known.

I'm an old woman now and nature is cruel.

'Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.

The body it crumbles, grace and vigor depart.

There is a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,

And now again my bittered heart swells.

I remember the joys, I remember the pain

And I'm loving and living life over again.

I think of the years, all too few, gone too fast,

And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, nurse, open and see

Not a crabbed old woman,

Look closer - see me!

-Author's name unknown

-L.C.

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